'To Do' Lists

Well, I've scratched off a few things from my week's 'to do' lists....to get done by today. Unfortunately, there are quite a few lines UNSCRATCHED. And then there is the list I wrote this morning, of things I need to get done by the time the Tastefull Simple consultant shows up and sisters start to arrive. My little 'food party' starts at 6:30 (i'm guessing actually more like 7pm) and there is so much yet to do!
I need to finish checking my email to see if anyone rsvp'd and then call the folks who did not. So far three or four people say they never got their postcard invitations and had no idea I was even having a party. Makes me wonder how many MORE didn't get them that I haven't contacted yet. Joy.

Well, I'm going to need all the coffee I can get today so I best get a move on and finish drinking it and get busy on my list. I finished running my last load of laundry through the washer and now it's just waiting on the dryer. The non-dryer stuff doesn't look like it's going to be dry anytime soon and I have no idea where i'm going to "hide" it tonight. ARrgghh....Then there is of course the baskets of laundry that still need folding and putting away. I like the sorting and washing and drying process. I HATE folding and putting away. ARrgggghhhh...

I baked my bread and cake yesterday (although they tell you to do it the day of your party so that the house smells good) and mixed up all six or seven dips and mixes. So at least that won't be waiting to get done today. But I have to bake something ELSE so that the house smells good. Arrgghh....

At least if I start up the coffee pot fairly early, the house will have the delightful smell of coffee and who doesn't love that? (hmm...maybe non coffee drinkers) I have got to get busy! Have I mentioned that?

Okay, from here on things get NOT-encouraging....so stop reading NOW.

It looks like not only is my little sister not coming for a visit this winter but my mom and my plans to send them (cheap) tickets as a gift isn't going to happen either. Makes my stomach upset just thinking about it. I miss her so much. Then I start to get angry that I'm not allowed to make money decisions because I "don't work".....as in, MY work that drives me to be ill because of my health problems (and yet I keep at it to the best of my ability despite this), isn't important and holds no value because it doesn't draw a salary. I can't believe I'm in a marriage from 1955 and it is 2006.

To some, I have no value as a person, friend, spouse, or human being. I am merely a consumer. To say I 'hate' those people would be scripturally wrong. I am constantly working on my emotional control. Yet another downside to resorting to drugs (prescription, relax) to hold things in check. I now lack the emotional damage that I used to use to block off any real emotions and protect myself. I used to have no problem holding things in and showing no hurt or pain or really ANYTHING on the outside. It served me well for a lot of years. And now, I feel ALL of it. And it is slowly killing me I think. The unfairness of the situation eats at me. My only emotional support comes from my friends. And that is not really fair to them. They have their own worries and pains and responsibilites. They can't function as my only form of emotional support. And yet, I am forced to rely on them as such. Which makes me feel guilty AND needy.

And the part of me that is constantly trying to SOLVE my problems and find effective ways to do things is just stumped......in a hamster wheel running around and around with no solution. Which makes me even more crazy.
I cannot FIX it!!!!

And by the way, in a seemingly unrelated topic, is there a single soul out there who thinks it is reasonable and okay to put on dirty clothes on your child after bathing them? If you think this is reasonable, please comment or write me because it is the stupidest thing *I* have ever encountered. (Okay, maybe not THE stupidest. But right up there.) I'm guessing the same people who WOULD think this is reasonable would ALSO think that ticks magically appear in the house and could not possibly come inside on workboots that walk all over the house after they have been worn out of doors. Okay, Yes, I'm having yet another of 'those days' today. I cannot put these things to rest because they are like yet another slice on top of an old half-healed wound.

At least I'm able to mentally purge here and it lets off a bit of steam from the high-pressure steam-engine that is my head. Otherwise I'd either walk around all day with silent tears streaming down my face or go back to being the zombie I used to be years ago. (if you knew me back then, I apologize.)

And since NO ONE EVER comments on this blog, I'm fairly certain that just about no one ever reads it. So it's like writing in a diary.....a diary I leave out for visitors on my coffee table. LOL

Okay, onwards and upwards. Things to get done.
Signing off,

-S